Of course. Of course. I should have known that you would write to me, that you would use your honeyed words to try and mend the rift between us.
And of course, like you, I would start and stop a dozen drafts before I finally found something close to sendable.
Even this, this “sendable,” sounds wrong. Why is it I can never make the words come out correctly unless you are right here in front of me? It’s a kind of exquisite torture, being able to speak to you, but never being able to find the right words.
I honestly don’t know why I am bothering to respond to you. Except, of course, for the ache in my chest.
I could not stop myself from reaching out to you, even if I tried. We are reflexive, you and I, we always reach out to each other even as we reach out to stop ourselves. I am reminded of French grammar, thinking of you and me and our bad habits.
Je me lave. Je m’assieds. Nous nous sommes couches.
I am reminded of you, constantly, it seems.
-Anna
credits
from four,
released March 11, 2014
Music - Tory Miller
Words - from "Ten Winter Letters" by Tucker Cummings
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