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4

from four by fo(u)r hands

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Matthew-

It snowed here today, and so, of course, I spent the whole day thinking about you. I spent the whole day furious, actually. Snowbound, and mind-bound. There was no place to go, except deeper into my own head. It’s unbelievable that you can be out of my life, and still so much a part of it.

I really should stop writing you back. If you stopped writing me, I know I could stop writing you back. I need time, and space. And the terrible thing is that I have both, to excess, with you gone. And yet, you still manage to take over my thoughts.

I think about you, in the barren north. I imagine sometimes what your little cabin must be like. Are there birds? Or have they all flown south for warmer homes? I’d like to fly south, to a place with no address. Maybe then I’d stop writing, and stop expecting your letters to reach me.

I have to stop this. We have to stop this. Please, if you still care for me, as your letters would have me believe that you do, please don’t write to me again.

I will always.

I was going to write more to that sentence, but really, that sums it up, doesn’t it. I will, always. But I can’t anymore. Please, Matthew.

This has been

This has all been so very important to me. I don’t regret it, but I have to move on from it.

I hope that you know how much you meant to me. But, for both our sakes, we have to stop this. It’s poisonous. It may be beautiful, but it is poisonous. We both go around, speaking lines that sound like they belong on the stage, hurting each other in the most creative ways. We make our own kind of art, beautiful for all its ephemerality, but enough is enough.

Goodbye, and thank you.

Anna

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from four, released March 11, 2014
Music - Tory Miller
Words - from "Ten Winter Letters" by Tucker Cummings

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fo(u)r hands Dover, New Hampshire

Tory Miller and Andrew Cote get together sometimes to record improvised piano albums.

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