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5

from four by fo(u)r hands

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Anna. My darling Anna. These manic words of yours have stirred me into a frenzy. I have spent all day away from my books and my pens, running through the woods and heaving snow into useless piles. Anna, I know that we parted badly, but we are not beyond repair.

Anna, I can hear your voice, telling me not to bother you. You push at me with imagined words. You always push, don’t you? That is the nature of this thing between us: you, pushing away from me like a rower on a barge. And me, chasing you, stroking hard against the tide.

I’m tired of it.

Anna, if only you were here.

I should come back to you. It’s my turn to make the grand gesture, is it not?

But you know that I cannot. This self-imposed exile is a prison, but it is my prison. And as desperately as I want to end my cloistered ways and return to my city, return to you, we both know that I cannot. I have to finish my work here, or else, what was the point of me living in the first place. What was the point of all our struggle if not the completion of this?

We, perhaps, both needed this.

Didn’t we?

Or have I misjudged us both again?

I never know what you need. Or what I need.

The winds are pushing in again, so loud I can barely hear myself thinking. I sometimes wish they’d blow just a little harder. I want to be blown away. Would I be blown towards you, or blown to smithereens?

It doesn’t matter. This wine has made -my-pen- me a fool.

I shouldn’t send this.

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from four, released March 11, 2014
Music - Andrew Cote
Words - from "Ten Winter Letters" by Tucker Cummings

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fo(u)r hands Dover, New Hampshire

Tory Miller and Andrew Cote get together sometimes to record improvised piano albums.

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