about
Anna.
God, it’s so cold here. I chopped the wood they told me to chop, but I don’t’ thnk it was sufficnet. Oh God, look at how my hands are shaking, I can barely write a word without speling it wrongly.
Oh, anna, look at this poor excuse for penmanship. Mr. Brinker, he would not approve, would he?
I must try to do better for us, mustn’t I?
Anna.
Anna.
If I screamed your name from the mountiantops, woul they hear me?
No. No, I must control this. I swear, I will put all this in a latter. For once, I won’t edit my prose to you. For once, I will say what I want to say to you, unedited. You deserve that, at the very least.
I miss chocolate. Do you remember, at that party? The fountain where it ran? The whole room stank of it, but no one dared to complain.
Anna, I should have told you that night. My head was swimming, from more than just the wine and the stench of sugar in the air, but I still should have said.
Even if you knew. Which I am certain that you did. I should have said it aloud.
I was a coward then. But I swear to you, in this cold place, I am not a coward anymore. I have eaten things that would shock you. My art is all the better for it, but my heart is just not.
Anna, if you were here, I would tell you. You wouldn’t believe me, but it would be true all the same.
Did you ever read ‘Clarissa’? It was the first epistolary novel. We are, I think, an espistolary novel of our own. There was a man, the main male character. I had to give a report on him at school. I told my class, and the teacher, that he died of a broken heart. The teacher, she berated me, she accused me of lying. ‘He died in a swordfight, a duel,’ she screeched.
But he entered that fight, broken- hearted, wishing for someone to put an end to his misery. He did die of a broken heart, whatever the text might say.
I’m dying here, in the cold, without you to keep me warm.
Matthew
credits
from
four,
released March 11, 2014
Music - Tory Miller
Words - from "Ten Winter Letters" by Tucker Cummings
license